The Cravenstreet Gazette
AD: American Philosophical Society
[September 22-26, 1770]
The Cravenstreet Gazette. No 113 Saturday,
Sept. 22. 1770
This Morning Queen Margaret, accompanied by her
first Maid of Honour, Miss Franklin, set out for Rochester.
Immediately on their Departure, the whole Street was in Tears——from
a heavy Shower of Rain.
It is whispered that the new Family
Administration which took place on her Majesty’s Departure,
promises, like all other new Administrations, to govern much better
than the old one.
We hear that the great Person (so called
from his enormous Size) of a certain Family in a certain Street, is
grievously affected at the late Changes, and could hardly be
comforted this Morning, tho’ the new Ministry promised him a
roasted Shoulder of Mutton, and Potatoes, for his Dinner.
It is said, that the same great Person
intended to pay his Respects to another great Personage this Day,
at St. James’s, it being Coronation-Day; hoping thereby a little to
amuse his Grief; but was prevented by an Accident, Queen Margaret,
or her Maid of Honour having carried off the Key of the Drawers, so
that the Lady of the Bedchamber could not come at a laced Shirt for
his Highness. Great Clamours were made on this Occasion against her
Majesty.
Other Accounts say, that the Shirts were
afterwards found, tho’ too late, in another Place. And some
suspect, that the Wanting a Shirt from those Drawers was only a
ministerial Pretence to excuse Picking the Locks, that the new
Administration might have every thing at Command.
We hear that the Lady Chamberlain of the
Household went to Market this Morning by her own self, gave the
Butcher whatever he ask’d for the Mutton, and had no Dispute with
the Potatoe Woman——to their great Amazement——at the Change of
Times!
It is confidently asserted, that this
Afternoon, the Weather being wet, the great Person a little
chilly, and no body at home to find fault with the Expence of Fuel,
he was indulg’d with a Fire in his Chamber. It seems the Design is,
to make him contented, by Degrees, with the Absence of the
Queen.
A Project has been under Consideration of
Government, to take the Opportunity of her Majesty’s Absence, for
doing a Thing she was always averse to, viz. Fixing a new Lock on
the Street Door, or getting a Key made to the old one; it being
found extreamly inconvenient, that one or other of the Great
Officers of State, should, whenever the Maid goes out for a
Ha’pworth of Sand or a Pint of Porter, be obliged to attend the
Door to let her in again. But Opinion, being divided, which of the
two Expedients to adopt, the Project is for the present laid
aside.
We have good Authority to assure our Readers,
that a Cabinet Council was held this Afternoon at Tea; the Subject
of which was a Proposal for the Reformation of Manners, and a more
strict Observation of the Lord’s Day. The Result was, an unanimous
Resolution that no Meat should be dress’d to-morrow; whereby the
Cook and the first Minister will both be at Liberty to go to
Church, the one having nothing to do, and the other no Roast to
rule. It seems the cold Shoulder of Mutton, and the Applepye, were
thought sufficient for Sunday’s Dinner. All pious People applaud
this Measure, and ’tis thought the new Ministry will soon become
popular.
We hear that Mr. Wilkes was at a certain House
in Craven Street this Day, and enquired after the absent Queen. His
good Lady and the Children were well.
The Report that Mr. Wilkes the Patriot made the
above Visit, is without Foundation, it being his Brother the
Courtier.
Sunday, Sept. 23.
It is now found by sad Experience, that good
Resolutions are easier made than executed. Notwithstanding
yesterday’s solemn Order of Council, no body went to Church to day.
It seems the great Person’s broad-built-bulk lay so long
abed, that Breakfast was not over ’till it was too late to dress.
At least this is the Excuse. In fine, it seems a vain thing to hope
Reformation from the Example of our great Folks. The Cook and the
Minister, however, both took Advantage of the Order so far, as to
save themselves all Trouble, and the Clause of cold Dinner
was enforc’d, tho’ the going to Church was dispens’d with;
just as the common working People observe the Commandment; the
seventh Day thou shalt rest, they think a sacred Injunction;
but the other Six Days shalt thou labour is deem’d a mere
Piece of Advice which they may practice when they want Bread and
are out of Credit at the Alehouse, and may neglect whenever they
have Money in their Pockets. It must nevertheless be said in
justice to our Court, that whatever Inclination they had to Gaming,
no Cards were brought out to Day. Lord and Lady Hewson walk’d after
Dinner to Kensington to pay their Duty to the Dowager, and Dr.
Fatsides made 469 Turns in his Dining Room as the exact Distance of
a Visit to the lovely Lady Barwell, whom he did not find at home,
so there was no Struggle for and against a Kiss, and he sat down to
dream in the Easy Chair that he had it without any Trouble.
Monday, Sept. 24.
We are credibly informed, that the great
Person dined this Day with the Club at the Cat-and-Bagpipes in the
City, on cold Round of boil’d Beef. This, it seems, he was under
some Necessity of Doing (tho’ he rather dislikes Beef) because
truly the Ministers were to be all abroad somewhere to dine on hot
roast Venison. It is thought that if the Queen had been at home, he
would not have been so slighted. And tho’ he shows outwardly no
Marks of Dissatisfaction, it is suspected that he begins to wish
for her Majesty’s Return.
It is currently reported, that poor Nanny had
nothing for Dinner in the Kitchen, for herself and Puss, but the
Scrapings of the Bones of Saturday’s Mutton.
This Evening there was high Play at the Groom
Porter’s in Cravenstreet House. The Great Person lost Money. It is
supposed the Ministers, as is usually supposed of all Ministers,
shared the Emoluments among them.
Tuesday, Sept. 25.
This Morning the good Lord Hutton call’d at
Cravenstreet House, and enquired very respectfully and
affectionately concerning the Welfare of the absent Queen. He then
imparted to the big Man a Piece of Intelligence important to them
both, which he had just received from Lady Hawkesworth, viz. That
[the] amiable and excellent Companion Miss Dorothea Blount had made
a Vow to marry absolutely him of the two, whose Wife should first
depart this Life. It is impossible to express with Words the
various Agitations of Mind appearing in both their Faces on this
Occasion. Vanity at the Preference given them to the rest of
Mankind; Affection to their present Wives; Fear of
losing them; Hope, (if they must lose them) to obtain the
propos’d Comfort; Jealousy of each other, in case both Wives
should die together; &c. &c. &c. all working at the
same time, jumbled their Features into inexplicable Confusion. They
parted at length with Professions and outward Appearances indeed of
ever-during Friendship; but it was shrewdly suspected that each of
them sincerely wished Health and long Life to the other’s Wife; and
that however long either of those Friends might like to live
himself, the other would be very well pleas’d to survive him.
It is remark’d that the Skies have wept every
Day in Craven-street the Absence of the Queen.
The Publick may be assured, that this Morning a
certain great Person was ask’d very complaisantly by
the Mistress of the Houshold, if he would chuse to have the Blade
Bone of Saturday’s Mutton that had been kept for his Dinner to Day,
broil’d or cold? He answer’d gravely, If there is
any Flesh on it, it may be broil’d; if not, it may as well
be cold. Orders were accordingly given for broiling it. But
when it came to Table, there was indeed so very little Flesh, or
rather none at all (Puss having din’d on it yesterday after Nanny)
that if our new Administration had been as good Oeconomists as they
would be thought, the Expence of Broiling might well have been
sav’d to the Publick, and carried to the Sinking Fund. It is
assured the great Person bears all with infinite Patience. But the
Nation is astonish’d at the insolent Presumption that dares treat
so much Mildness in so cruel a manner.
A terrible Accident had like to have
happened this Afternoon at Tea. The Boiler was set too near the
End of the little square Table. The first Ministress was sitting at
one End of the Table to administer the Tea; the great Person was
about to sit down at the other End where the Boiler stood. By a
sudden Motion, the Lady gave the Table a Tilt. Had it gone over,
the great Person must have been scalded; perhaps to Death.
Various are the Surmises and Observations on this Occasion. The
Godly say, it would have been a just Judgment on him, for
preventing by his Laziness, the Family’s going to Church last
Sunday. The Opposition do not stick to insinuate that there was a
Design to scald him, prevented only by his quick Catching the
Table. The Friends of the Ministry give out, that he carelessly
jogg’d the Table himself, and would have been inevitably scalded
had not the Ministress sav’d him. It is hard for the Publick to
come at the Truth in these Cases.
At six o’Clock this Afternoon News came by the
Post, that her Majesty arrived safely at Rochester on Saturday
Night. The Bells immediately rang——for Candles, to illuminate the
Parlour; the Court went into Cribbidge, and the Evening concluded
with every other Demonstration of Joy.
It is reported that all the principal Officers
of the State, have received an Invitation from the Dutchess Dowager
of Rochester to go down thither on Saturday next. But it is not yet
known whether the great Affairs they have on their Hands will
permit them to make this Excursion.
We hear that from the Time of her Majesty’s
leaving Craven Street House to this Day, no Care is taken to file
the Newspapers; but they lie about in every Room, in every Window,
and on every Chair, just where the Doctor lays them when he has
read them. It is impossible Government can long go on in such
Hands.
To the Publisher of the Craven Street Gazette.
Sir,
I make no doubt of the Truth of what the Papers
tell us, that a certain great Person has been half-starved
on the bare Blade-bone, of a Sheep (I cannot call it of
Mutton because none was on it) by a Set of the most careless,
thoughtless, inconsiderate, corrupt, ignorant, blundering, foolish,
crafty, and Knavish Ministers, that ever got into a House and
pretended to govern a Family and provide a Dinner. Alas, for the
poor Old England of Craven Street! If these nefarious Wretches
continue in Power another Week, the Nation will be
ruined——Undone!——totally undone, if the Queen does not return; or
(which is better) turn them all out and appoint me and my Friends
to succeed them. I am a great Admirer of your useful and impartial
Paper; and therefore request you will insert this without fail;
from Your humble Servant
To the Publisher of the Craven Street Gazette.
Sir,
Your Correspondent Indignation has made
a fine Story in your Paper against our excellent Cravenstreet
Ministry, as if they meant to starve his Highness, giving him only
a bare Blade Bone for his Dinner, while they riot upon roast
Venison, &c. The Wickedness of Writers in this Age is truly
amazing! I believe we never had since the Foundation of our State,
a more faithful, upright, worthy, careful, considerate, incorrupt,
discreet, wise, prudent and beneficent Ministry than the present.
But if even the Angel Gabriel would condescend to be our Minister
and provide our Dinners, he could scarcely escape Newspaper
Defamation from a Gang of hungry ever-restless, discontented and
malicious Scribblers. It is, Sir, a piece of Justice you owe our
righteous Administration to undeceive the Publick on this
[Occasion], by assuring them [of] the Fact, which is, that there
was provided; and actually smoaking on the Table under his Royal
Nose at the same Instant, as fine a Piece of Ribbs of Beef,
roasted, as ever Knife was put into; with Potatoes, Horse radish,
pickled Walnuts, &c. which Beef his Highness might have eaten
of, if so he had pleased to do; and which he forbore to do, merely
from a whimsical Opinion (with Respect be it spoken) that Beef doth
not with him perspire well, but makes his Back itch, to his no
small Vexation, now that he hath lost the little Chinese Ivory Hand
[at] the End of a Stick, commonly called a Scratchback,
presented to him by her Majesty. This is the Truth; and if your
boasted Impartiality is real, you will not hesitate a Moment to
insert this Letter in your very next Paper. I am, tho’ a little
angry with you at present. Yours as you behave
Junius and Cinna
came to Hand too late for this Days Paper, but shall have
Place in our next.
|
Marriages. |
None since our last; but Puss begins to go a Courting. |
|
Deaths. |
In the back Closet, and elsewhere, many poor Mice. |
|
Stocks. |
Biscuit very low. |
|
Buckwheat and Indian meal, both sour. |
|
Tea, lowering daily in the Canister. |
Postcript. Wednesday Sept. 26.
Those in the Secret of Affairs do not scruple to assert soundly,
that our present First Ministress is very notable, having this day
been at Market, bought excellent Mutton Chops, and Apples 4 a
penny, made a very fine Applepye with her own Hands, and mended two
pair of Breeches.
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