What is Sauce for a Goose is also Sauce for a Gander. Being A small Touch in the Lapidary Way. Or Tit for Tat, in your own Way. An Epitaph On a certain great Man. Written by a departed Spirit and now Most humbly inscrib’d to all his dutiful Sons and Children, Who may hereafter chose to distinguish him by the Name of A Patriot. Philadelphia, printed in Arch-Street 1764.

TO the much esteem’d Memory of / B——— F——— Esq; L. L. D; / The only man of his day / In Pennsylvania, / Or perhaps of any age or in any country, / Whose ingrate Disposition and Badness of Heart / (These enormous Vices) / Ever introduced to / Popularity. / As he was the first Philosopher / Who, contrary to any known System, discovered / How to maltreat his / Patrons / Without Cause, / And be angry without Reason, / He may be justly styl’d / A stupenduously surprizing / And a Great man. / By assuming the merit / Of other mens discoveries, / He obtain’d the name of / A Philosopher. / By meanly begging and some Times buying / Honorary Degrees, / From several Colleges and Universities, / He obtain’d the Character of / A Man of Learning. / From an early Desire, that portended / Greatness, / Implanted in his original / Stamina. / To have Power lodged / In his own Hands, / He most tyranically opposed, / And even insulted / The highest order of Men. / And by an Address, peculiar to himself, / He found the Way to climb to Promotion / Upon the Shoulders of Friends / Whom a few Years before / He proposed to, and even boasted that he would, Ruin. / Thus, rising by degrees / From the meanest Circumstances / To a Politican of the first Magnitude, / He became perfectly acquainted / With every Zig Zag Machination, / And triming Contrivance, / Peculiar to that Science. / Quick as the Flashes of Lightning, / Darted from a Cloud, / He would sometimes level / All Distinctions, / Pull down the very Walls / Of Power, / And fatally destroy the Safeguards / Of Justice. / Blasting with the same Breath, / Every necessary Subordination; / And sitting [sic] at nought the Executors / Of Law and Order. / But in finally aiming to overturn / The best of Governments, / And dispossess the People of / Their Charter Rights, / And inestimable Privileges, / He fell beneath Himself, a lingering Martyr. / To the Loss of popular Applause; / Oh mortifying Consideration! / Yet studious and artfull, tho’ conscious / of his Guilt, / He struggled hard, but in Vain, / To screen his Sins / From the Sight of the People; / White, with an Effrontery surprising, / He loudly bellow’d and vehemently complain’d / That Magistracy, / Which he had trampled on and Wounded, / Was impotent and feeble. / Possessed of many lucrative / Offices; / Procured to him by the Interest of Men / Whom he infamously treated. / And receiving enormous Sums / from the Province, / For Services / He never performed; / After betraying it to Party and Contention, / He lived, as to the Appearance of Wealth, / In moderate Circumstances. / His principal Estate, seeming to consist, / Till very lately, / In his Hand Maid Barbara / A most valuable Slave, / The Foster-Mother / Of his last Offspring, / Who did his dirty Work,—— / And in two Angelic Females, / Whom Barbara also served, / As Kitchen Wench and Gold Finder. / But alas the Loss! / Providence for wise, tho’ secret Ends, / Lately depriv’d him of the Mother / Of Excellency. / His Fortune was not however impair’d, / For he piously witheld from her / Manes, / The pitiful Stipend of Ten Pounds per Annum, / On which he had cruelly suffered her / To Starve; / Then stole her to the Grave, in Silence, / Without a Pall, the Covering due to her Dignity, / Without a Groan, a Sigh or a Tear. / Without a Tomb, or even / a Monumental Inscription. / Reader behold this striking Instance of / Human Depravity and Ingratitude; / An irrefragable Proof, / That neither the Capital Services / Of Friends, / Nor the attracting Favours of the Fair, / Can fix the Sincerity of a Man, / Devoid of Principles and / Ineffably mean; / Whose Ambition is / Power; / And whose Intention is / Tyrany / Remember then O Friends and Freemen, / And be intreated to consider, / That in the howling Wilderness / When we would guard ourselves against / The covered Wolves of the Forest, or / The stinging Snakes of the Mountains, / Our Maxim should be / Beware of taking them to our / Bosoms. / Finis.