Poor Richard, 1740
Poor Richard, 1740. An Almanack For the Year of Christ 1740,
... By Richard Saunders, Philom. Philadelphia: Printed and sold
by B. Franklin, at the New Printing-Office near the Market. (Yale
University Library)
October 7. 1739
Courteous Reader,
You may remember that in my first Almanack,
published for the Year 1733, I predicted the Death of my dear
Friend Titan Leeds, Philomat. to happen that Year on the 17th Day
of October, 3 h. 29 m. P.M. The good Man, it seems, died
accordingly: But W.B. and A.B. have continued to publish Almanacks
in his Name ever since; asserting for some Years that he was still
living; At length when the Truth could no longer be conceal’d from
the World, they confess his Death in their Almanack for 1739, but
pretend that he died not till last Year, and that before his
Departure he had furnished them with Calculations for 7 Years to
come. Ah, My Friends, these are poor Shifts and thin
Disguises; of which indeed I should have taken little or no Notice,
if you had not at the same time accus’d me as a false Predictor;
and Aspersion that the more affects me, as my whole Livelyhood
depends on a contrary Character.
But to put this Matter beyond Dispute. I shall
acquaint the World with a Fact, as strange and surprizing as it is
true; being as follows, viz.
On the 4th Instant, towards midnight, as I sat
in my little Study writing this Preface, I fell fast asleep; and
continued in that Condition for some time, without dreaming any
thing, to my Knowledge. On awaking, I found lying before me the
following Letter, viz.
“Dear Friend Saunders,
“My Respect for you continues even in this
separate State, and I am griev’d to see the Aspersions thrown on
you by the Malevolence of avaricious Publishers of Almanacks, who
envy your Success. They say your Prediction of my Death in 1733 was
false, and they pretend that I remained alive many Years after. But
I do hereby certify, that I did actually die at that time,
precisely at the Hour you mention’d, with a Variation only of 5
min. 53 sec. which must be allow’d to be no great matter in such
Cases. And I do farther declare that I furnish’d them with no
Calculations of the Planets Motions, &c. seven Years after my
Death, as they are pleased to give out: so that the Stuff they
publish as an Almanack in my Name is no more mine than ’tis
yours.
“You will wonder perhaps, how this Paper comes
written on your Table. You must know that no separate Spirits are
under any Confinement till after the final Settlement of all
Accounts. In the mean time we wander where we please, visit our old
Friends, observe their Actions, enter sometimes into their
Imaginations, and give them Hints waking or sleeping that may be of
Advantage to them. Finding you asleep, I entred your left Nostril,
ascended into your Brain, found out where the Ends of those Nerves
were fastned that move your right Hand and Fingers, by the Help of
which I am now writing unknown to you; but when you open your Eyes,
you will see that the Hand written is mine, tho’ wrote with
yours.
“The People of this Infidel Age, perhaps, will
hardly believe this Story. But you may give them these three Signs
by which they shall be convinc’d of the Truth of it. About the
middle of June next, J. J----n, Philomat, shall be openly
reconciled to the Church of Rome, and give all his Goods and
Chattles to the Chappel, being perverted by a certain Country
Schoolmaster. On the 7th of September following my old Friend
W.B----t shall be sober 9 Hours, to the Astonishment of all
his Neighbours: And about the same time W.B. and A.B. will publish
another Almanack in my Name, in spight of Truth and
Common-Sense.
“As I can see much clearer into Futurity, since
I got free from the dark Prison of Flesh, in which I was
continually molested and almost blinded with Fogs arising from
Tiff, and the Smoke of burnt Drams; I shall in kindness to
you, frequently give you Informations of things to come, for the
Improvement of your Almanack: Being Dear Dick, Your affectionate
Friend,
For my own part I am convinc’d that the above
Letter is genuine. If the Reader doubts of it, let him carefully
observe the three Signs; and if they do not actually come to pass,
believe as he pleases. I am his humble Friend.
Of Eclipses for 1740.
There will be Six Eclipses this
Year,...[Details not here reprinted.]
Some of these Eclipses foreshow great Grief and
many Tears among the soft Sex this Year; whether for the Breaking
of their Crockery Ware, the Loss of their Loves, or in Repentance
for their Sins, I shall not say; tho’ I must own I think there will
be a great deal of the latter in the Case. War we shall hear but
too much of (for all Christians have not yet learn’d to love one
another) and, I doubt, of some ineffectual Treaties of Peace. I
pray Heav’n defend these Colonies from every Enemy; and give them,
Bread enough, Peace enough, Money enough, and plenty of good Cyder.
XI Mon. January hath xxxi days.
My sickly Spouse, with many a Sigh
Once told me,—Dicky I shall die:
I griev’d, but recollected strait,
’Twas bootless to contend with Fate:
So Resignation to Heav’n’s Will
Prepar’d me for succeeding Ill;
’Twas well it did; for, on my Life,
’Twas Heav’n’s Will to spare my Wife.
|
To bear other Peoples afflictions, every one has Courage
enough, |
No wonder Tom grows fat, th’ unwieldy Sinner,
Makes his whole Life but one continual Dinner.
|
An empty Bag cannot stand upright. |
While the good Priest with eyes devoutly clos’d
Left on the book the marriage fee expos’d,
The new made bridegroom his occasion spies,
And pleas’d, repockets up the shining prize:
Yet not so safe, but Mr. Surplice views
The Frolick, and demands his pilfer’d dues.
No, quoth the man, good Doctor, I’ll nonsuit y’,
A plain default, I found you off your Duty?
More carefully the holy book survey;
Your Rule is, you should watch as well as
pray.
|
Happy that nation, fortunate that age, whose history is not
di- |
What is a butterfly? At best
He’s but a caterpiller drest.
The gaudy Fop’s his picture just.
|
None are deceived but they that confide. |
When Pharoah’s Sins provok’d th’ Almighty’s hand
To pour his Wrath upon the guilty Land;
A tenfold Plague the great Avenger shed;
The King offended, and the Nation bled.
Had’st thou, unaided, Feria, but been sent,
Vial elect, for Pharoah’s Punishment,
Thro’ what a various Curse the Wretch had run,
He more than heaven’s ten Plagues had felt in one.
An open Foe may prove a curse;
But a pretended friend is worse.
A wolf eats sheep but now and then,
Ten Thousands are devour’d by Men.
Man’s tongue is soft, and bone doth lack;
Yet a stroke therewith may break a man’s back.
II Mon. April hath xxx days.
Says Roger to his Wife, my dear;
The strangest piece of News I hear!
A Law, ’tis said, will quickly pass,
To purge the matrimonial Class;
Cuckolds, if any such we have here
Must to a Man be thrown i’ th’ River.
She smiling cry’d, My dear, you seem
Surpriz’d! Pray han’t you learn’d to swim?
|
Many a Meal is lost for want of meat. |
To all apparent Beauties blind
Each Blemish strikes an envious Mind.
The Poor have little, Beggars none;
The Rich too much, enough not one.
III Mon. May hath xxxi days.
A Carrier ev’ry Night and Morn,
Would see his Horses eat their Corn:
This sunk the Hostler’s Vails, ’tis true;
But then his Horses had their Due.
Were we so cautious in all Cases,
Small Gain would rise from greater Places.
|
There are lazy Minds as well as lazy Bodies. |
|
Tricks and Treachery are the Practice of Fools, that have
not |
|
Who says Jack is not generous? He is always fond of giving,
and |
How weak, how vain is human Pride!
Dares Man upon himself confide?
The Wretch who glories in his Gain,
Amasses Heaps on Heaps in vain.
Can those (when tortur’d by Disease)
Chear our sick Heart, or purchase Ease?
Can those prolong one Gasp of Breath,
Or calm the troubled Hour of Death?
The Man who with undaunted toils,
Sails unknown seas to unknown soils,
With various wonders feasts his Sight:
What stranger wonders does he write?
|
Fear not Death; for the sooner we die, the longer shall we
be |
The Monarch of long regal Line,
Was rais’d from Dust as frail as mine:
Can he pour Health into his Veins,
Or cool the Fever’s restless Pains?
Can he (worn down in Nature’s Course)
New-brace his feeble Nerves with Force?
Can he (how vain is mortal Pow’r!)
Stretch Life beyond the destin’d Hour?
Those who in quarrels interpose,
Must often wipe a bloody nose.
|
Promises may get thee Friends, but Nonperformance will
turn |
In other men we faults can spy,
And blame the mote that dims their eye;
Each little speck and blemish find;
To our own stronger errors blind.
VI Mon. August hath xxxi days.
The Man of pure and simple Heart
Thro’ Life disdains a double part;
He never needs the screen of Lies
His inward Bosom to disguise.
In vain malicious Tongues assail,
Let Envy snarl, let Slander rail,
From Virtue’s shield (secure from Wound)
Their blunted venom’d shafts rebound.
|
When you speak to a man, look on his eyes; when he speaks
to |
Jane, why those tears? why droops your head?
Is then your other husband dead?
Or doth a worse disgrace betide?
Hath no one since his death apply’d?
|
Observe all men; thy self most. |
We frequently misplace Esteem
By judging Men by what they seem.
With partial Eyes we’re apt to see
The Man of noble Pedigree.
To Birth, Wealth, Power we should allow
Precedence, and our lowest Bow:
In that is due Distinction shown:
Esteem is Virtue’s Right alone.
|
Thou hadst better eat salt with the Philosophers of Greece,
than |
Seek Virtue, and, of that possest,
To Providence, resign the rest.
|
Marry above thy match, and thou’lt get a Master. |
|
Fear to do ill, and you need fear nought else. |
What’s Beauty? Call ye that your own,
A Flow’r that fades as soon as blown!
Those Eyes of so divine a Ray,
What are they? Mould’ring, mortal Clay.
Those Features cast in heav’nly Mould,
Shall, like my coarser Earth, grow old;
Like common Grass, the fairest Flow’r
Must feel the hoary Season’s Pow’r.
|
He makes a Foe who makes a jest. |
Can grave and formal pass for wise,
When Men the solemn Owl despise?
|
Some are justly laught at for keeping their Money
foolishly, others |
Old Socrates was obstinately Good,
Virtuous by force, by Inclination lewd.
When secret Movements drew his Soul aside,
He quell’d his Lust, and stemm’d the swelling Tide;
Sustain’d by Reason still, unmov’d he stood,
And steady bore against th’ opposing Flood.
He durst correct what Nature form’d amiss,
And forc’d unwilling Virtue to be his.
Who knows a fool, must know his brother;
For one will recommend another.
Avoid dishonest Gain: No price
Can recompence the Pangs of Vice.
When befriended, remember it:
When you befriend, forget it.
Great souls with gen’rous pity melt;
Which coward tyrants never felt.
X Mon. December hath xxxi days.
O blessed Season! lov’d by Saints and Sinners,
For long Devotions, or for longer Dinners;
More grateful still to those who deal in Books,
Now not with Readers, but with Pastry-Cooks:
Learn’d Works, despis’d by those to Merit blind,
By these well weigh’d, their certain Value find.
Bless’d Lot of Paper, falsely called Waste,
To bear those Cates, which Authors seldom taste.
|
Employ thy time well, if thou meanest to gain leisure. |
A Flatterer never seems absurd:
The Flatter’d always take his Word.
|
Lend Money to an Enemy, and thou’lt gain him, to a Friend
and |
|
Neither praise nor dispraise, till seven Christmasses be
over. |
Courts.
I know you Lawyers can, with Ease,
Twist Words and Meanings as you please;
That Language, by your Skill made pliant,
Will bend to favour ev’ry Client;
That ’tis the Fee directs the Sense
To make out either Side’s Pretence:
When you peruse the clearest Case,
You see it with a double Face;
For Scepticism’s your Profession;
You hold there’s Doubt in all Expression.
Hence is the Bar with Fees supply’d.
Hence Eloquence takes either Side.
Your Hand would have but paultry gleaning;
Could every Man express his Meaning.
Who dares presume to pen a Deed,
Unless you previously are feed?
’Tis drawn, and, to augment the Cost,
In dull Prolixity engrost:
And now we’re well secur’d by Law,
’Till the next Brother find a Flaw.
Dr. Tennent’s infallible Cure for the Pleurisy.
First when the Patient is taken, let ten Ounces
of Blood be drawn from the Arm of the Side opposite to that
affected with the Disease, and presently after give 3 Spoonfulls of
the Decoction of Rattlesnake-Root, which must be repeated
every six Hours, till the Symptoms abate in a great Degree. But if
they should return notwithstanding, which happens sometimes,
Bleeding is to be repeated in the same Quantity as at first, and so
in like Manner a third, fourth, or fifth time, or oftener; tho’ it
seldom happens that it is wanted above twice; which Method answers
for the Cure of a Pleurisy, generally speaking: But in particular
Cases, where the Patient has a Purging attending the Disorder, give
20 Grains of the Root every three Hours, with 10 Grains of Cinnamon
poudered, and as much prepared Harts Horn, observing also to let
Blood as often as the Symptoms recur; by which is meant the Pain,
Fever, Cough, and Difficulty in breathing. When the Breast is only
affected with the Pain, or both Sides and the Breast affected at
once, the same Method is to be followed as when one Side only is
affected, the Disease being the same notwithstanding of that
Difference in the Symptoms. For ordinary Drink, give Hysop
Decoction, or a Tea drawn from Marsh Mallard Roots, sweetned with
Honey; but in case of a Purging attending the Case, let the Drink
be sweetned with double refined Sugar, and the Cinnamon and Harts
Horn before prescribed are to be given with the poudered
Rattlesnake Root in a little of it; and it is to be observed, that
both the Decoction of the Root and Tea are given warm. If the
Patient be troubled with a Vomiting, or Nausea, give one spoonful
and half of the Decoction every three Hours, or if that should
immediately be thrown up, give half a spoonful of the Decoction
every Hour; observing in such a Case to bleed, as before advised.
There is a Disease called a Pleurisy, wherein Bleeding is of ill
Consequence, which may with great Propriety be called a latent or
spurious Peripneumony; yet the above Method with the Decoction of
the Root, is a very certain one, giving instead of pectoral Teas, a
Tea made of Thyme or Marjoram, or rather Rum-punch. This Disease
personates a Pleurisy or Peripneumony, to a superficial Observer,
the Symptoms being the same, only with this Difference, That the
Pulse is always low, which in an inflamatory Pleurisy or
Peripneumony, is so only upon the first Invasion, or when the
Disease is upon terminating in Death: But it is to be noted for a
Mark of this latent Peripneumony, that on its first Approach the
Patient is cold, convulsed, and very much inclined to sleep, and
also that it attacks in the Autumn after excessive hot Summers
attended with much Rain; and towards February, or sooner if the
Winter sets in very cold, translates to an inflamatory Pleurisy or
Peripneumony. The Operation of this Root is different according to
the Circumstances of the Constitution and Disease; sometimes, it is
by Vomit, at other times by Sweat, Urine and Stool, and in some
Cases, such as a latent Peripneumony, it has none of these
Operations in any Degree; yet the Patient is surprizingly
recovered, which shews that it strongly attenuates the Blood. The
Success of the aforesaid Method is proved from Experience to be so
great, that an intermitting Fever is not carried off with more
Certainty with Jesuits Bark, than a Pleurisy or Peripneumony with
the Seneka Rattlesnake Root. And the Cure often is effected the
third Day if the Method be followed up from the first Attack of the
Distemper, and also that the Patient will find great Relief in the
space of an Hour after the Decoction; tho’ every one may not, yet
it has that Effect very often: And he further asserts, That whether
the Disease be in the Beginning, Increase, or State, the Medicine
has like Effects, and answers to perfection the Design of all the
Methods prescribed by Authors of the best note for these different
Stages.
The Decoction of Seneka Rattlesnake Root is
made by boiling three Ounces of it in a Quart of Water over a slow
Fire till near half is evaporated; then strain the Liquor thro’ a
Cloth. The Root must be reduced to a gross Powder, that the Water
may fully draw its Efficacy. The Plant grows plentifully in
Virginia, Maryland and Pennsylvania, in the Freshes and hilly
Grounds, and affects a light and tolerable good Soil. The Root is
of a light yellow Colour, resembling Ipecacuana in its Texture and
Shape, but is larger, has a strong Pungency without Heat, but does
not communicate that Property upon chewing it immediately. The
leaves are something like green Tea, and the Stalk is commonly from
six to twelve Inches high, on the Top of which are white Flowers
something like the Rattles of a Snake, while in Bud, which appear
among the first Flowers in the Woods: And there are no Branches
from the Stalks, but several Stalks arise from one Root generally,
tho’ only one Stalk from a Root may be seen sometimes.
The Indian Traders say, That it grows all the
way from Canada to South-Carolina, where in both it is very
plenty.
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