The Busy-Body, No. 4
In my first Paper I invited the Learned and the Ingenious to
join with me in this Undertaking; and I now repeat that Invitation.
I would have such Gentlemen take this Opportunity, (by trying their
Talent in Writing) of diverting themselves and their Friends, and
improving the Taste of the Town. And because I would encourage all
Wit of our own Growth and Produce, I hereby promise, that whoever
shall send me a little Essay on some moral or other Subject, that
is fit for publick View in this Manner (and not basely borrow’d
from any other Author) I shall receive it with Candour, and take
Care to place it to the best Advantage. It will be hard if we
cannot muster up in the whole Country, a sufficient Stock of Sence
to supply the Busy-Body at least for a Twelvemonth. For my
own Part, I have already profess’d that I have the Good of my
Country wholly at Heart in this Design, without the least sinister
View; my chief Purpose being to inculcate the noble Principles of
Virtue, and depreciate Vice of every kind. But as I know the Mob
hate Instruction, and the Generality would never read beyond the
first Line of my Lectures, if they were usually fill’d with nothing
but wholesome Precepts and Advice; I must therefore sometimes
humour them in their own Way. There are a Set of Great Names in the
Province, who are the common Objects of Popular Dislike. If I can
now and then overcome my Reluctance, and prevail with my self to
Satyrize a little, one of these Gentlemen, the Expectation of
meeting with such a Gratification, will induce many to read me
through, who would otherwise proceed immediately to the Foreign
News. As I am very well assured that the greatest Men among us have
a sincere Love for their Country, notwithstanding its Ingratitude,
and the Insinuations of the Envious and Malicious to the contrary,
so I doubt not but they will chearfully tolerate me in the Liberty
I design to take for the End above mentioned.
As yet I have but few Correspondents, tho’ they
begin now to increase. The following Letter, left for me at the
Printers, is one of the first I have receiv’d, which I regard the
more for that it comes from one of the Fair Sex, and because I have
my self oftentimes suffer’d under the Grievance therein complain’d
of.
“You having set your self up for a Censurer
Morum(as I think you call it) which is said to mean a
Reformer of Manners, I know no Person more proper to be
apply’d to for Redress in all the Grievances we suffer from Want
of Manners in some People. You must know I am a single Woman,
and keep a Shop in this Town for a Livelyhood. There is a certain
Neighbour of mine, who is really agreeable Company enough, and with
whom I have had an Intimacy of some Time standing; But of late she
makes her Visits so excessively often, and stays so very long every
Visit, that I am tir’d out of all Patience. I have no Manner of
Time at all to my self; and you, who seem to be a wise Man, must
needs be sensible that every Person has little Secrets and
Privacies that are not proper to be expos’d even to the nearest
Friend. Now I cannot do the least Thing in the World, but she must
know all about it; and it is a Wonder I have found an Opportunity
to write you this Letter. My Misfortune is, that I respect her very
well, and know not how to disoblige her so much as to tell her I
should be glad to have less of her Company; for if I should once
hint such a Thing, I am afraid she would resent it so as never to
darken my Door again. But, alas, Sir, I have not yet told you half
my Afflictions. She has two Children that are just big enough to
run about and do pretty Mischief: These are continually along with
Mamma, either in my Room or Shop, if I have never so many Customers
or People with me about Business. Sometimes they pull the Goods off
my low Shelves down to the Ground, and perhaps where one of them
has just been making Water; My Friend takes up the Stuff, and
cries, Eh! thou little wicked mischievous Rogue!—But
however, it has done no great Damage; ’tis only wet a
little; and so puts it up upon the Shelf again. Sometimes they
get to my Cask of Nails behind the Counter, and divert themselves,
to my great Vexation, with mixing my Ten-penny and Eight-penny and
Four-penny together. I Endeavour to conceal my Uneasiness as much
as possible, and with a grave Look go to Sorting them out. She
cries, Don’t thee trouble thy self, Neighbour: Let them
play a little; I’ll put all to rights my self before I go. But
Things are never so put to rights but that I find a great deal of
Work to do after they are gone. Thus, Sir, I have all the Trouble
and Pesterment of Children, without the Pleasure of—calling them my
own; and they are now so us’d to being here that they will be
content no where else. If she would have been so kind as to have
moderated her Visits to ten times a Day, and stay’d but half an
hour at a Time, I should have been contented, and I believe never
have given you this Trouble: But this very Morning they have so
tormented me that I could bear no longer; For while the Mother was
asking me twenty impertinent Questions, the youngest got to my
Nails, and with great Delight rattled them by handfuls all over the
Floor; and the other at the same Time made such a terrible Din upon
my Counter with a Hammer, that I grew half distracted. I was just
then about to make my self a new Suit of Pinners, but in the Fret
and Confusion I cut it quite out of all Manner of Shape, and
utterly spoil’d a Piece of the first Muslin. Pray, Sir, tell me
what I shall do. And talk a little against such unreasonable
Visiting in your next Paper: Tho’ I would not have her affronted
with me for a great Deal, for sincerely I love her and her Children
as well I think, as a Neighbour can, and she buys a great many
Things in a Year at my Shop. But I would beg her to consider that
she uses me unmercifully; Tho’ I believe it is only for want of
Thought. But I have twenty Things more to tell you besides all
this; There is a handsome Gentleman that has a Mind (I don’t
question) to make love to me, but he can’t get the least
Opportunity to—: O dear, here she comes again; I must conclude
Yours, &c.
Indeed, ’tis well enough, as it happens, that
she is come, to shorten this Complaint which I think is full
long enough already, and probably would otherwise have been as long
again. However, I must confess I cannot help pitying my
Correspondent’s Case, and in her Behalf exhort the Visitor to
remember and consider the Words of the Wise Man, Withdraw thy
Foot from the House of thy Neighbour least he grow weary of
thee, and so hate thee. It is, I believe, a nice thing and very
difficult, to regulate our Visits in such a Manner, as never to
give Offence by coming too seldom, or too often, or departing too
abruptly, or staying too long. However, in my Opinion, it is safest
for most People, in a general way, who are unwilling to disoblige,
to visit seldom, and tarry but a little while in a Place;
notwithstanding pressing invitations, which are many times
insincere. And tho’ more of your Company should be really desir’d;
yet in this Case, too much Reservedness is a Fault more easily
excus’d than the Contrary.
Men are subjected to various Inconveniences
meerly through lack of a small Share of Courage, which is a Quality
very necessary in the common Occurences of Life, as well as in a
Battle. How many Impertinences do we daily suffer with great
Uneasiness, because we have not Courage enough to discover our
Dislike? And why may not a Man use the Boldness and Freedom of
telling his Friends that their long Visits sometimes incommode him?
On this Occasion, it may be entertaining to some of my Readers, if
I acquaint them with the Turkish Manner of entertaining Visitors,
which I have from an Author of unquestionable Veracity; who assures
us, that even the Turks are not so ignorant of Civility, and the
Arts of Endearment, but that they can practice them with as much
Exactness as any other Nation, whenever they have a Mind to shew
themselves obliging.
“When you visit a Person of Quality, (says he)
and have talk’d over your Business, or the Complements, or whatever
Concern brought you thither, he makes a Sign to have Things serv’d
in for the Entertainment, which is generally, a little Sweetmeat, a
Dish of Sherbet, and another of Coffee; all which are immediately
brought in by the Servants, and tender’d to all the Guests in
Order, with the greatest Care and Awfulness imaginable. At last
comes the finishing Part of your Entertainment, which is, Perfuming
the Beards of the Company; a Ceremony which is perform’d in this
Manner. They have for the Purpose a small Silver Chaffing-Dish,
cover’d with a Lid full of Holes, and fixed upon a handsome Plate.
In this they put some fresh Coals, and upon them a piece of
Lignum Aloes, and shutting it up, the Smoak immediately
ascends with a grateful Odour thro’ the Holes of the Cover. This
Smoak is held under every one’s Chin, and offer’d as it were a
Sacrifice to his Beard. The bristly Idol soon receives the
Reverence done to it, and so greedily takes in and incorpor-ates
the gummy Steam, that it retains the Savour of it, and may serve
for a Nosegay a good while after.
“This Ceremony may perhaps seem ridiculous at
first hearing; but it passes among the Turks for an high
Gratification. And I will say this in its Vindication, that it’s
Design is very wise and useful. For it is understood to give a
civil Dismission to the Visitants; intimating to them, that the
Master of the House has Business to do, or some other Avocation,
that permits them to go away as soon as they please; and the sooner
after this Ceremony the better. By this Means you may, at any Time,
without Offence, deliver your self from being detain’d from your
Affairs by tedious and unseasonable Visits; and from being
constrain’d to use that Piece of Hypocrisy so common in the World,
of pressing those to stay longer with you, whom perhaps in your
Heart you wish a great Way off for having troubled you so long
already.”
Thus far my Author. For my own Part, I have
taken such a Fancy to this Turkish Custom, that for the future I
shall put something like it in Practice. I have provided a Bottle
of right French Brandy for the Men, and Citron-Water for the
Ladies. After I have treated with a Dram, and presented a Pinch of
my best Snuff, I expect all Company will retire, and leave me to
pursue my Studies for the Good of the Publick.
I give Notice that I am now actually compiling,
and design to publish in a short Time, the true History of the
Rise, Growth and Progress of the renowned Tiff-Club. All Persons
who are acquainted with any Facts, Circumstances, Characters,
Transactions, &c. which will be requisite to the Perfecting and
Embellishment of the said Work, are desired to communicate the same
to the Author, and direct their Letters to be left with the Printer
hereof.
The Letter sign’d Would-be-something is
come to hand.