Dialogue between Britain, France, Spain, Holland, Saxony and America
Copy: Library of Congress; copy: American Philosophical Society
[1774-75].

A Dialogue between Britain, France, Spain, Holland, Saxony and America.

BritainSister of Spain, I have a Favour to ask of you. My
subjects in America are disobedient, and I am about to
chastize them. I beg you will not furnish them with
any Arms or Ammunition.
SpainHave you forgotten, then, that when my Subjects in the
Low Countries rebelled against me, you not only
furnished them with military Stores, but join'd them
with an Army and a Fleet? I wonder how you can
have the Impudence to ask such a Favour of me, or the
Folly to expect it!
BritainYou my dear Sister of France will surely not refuse me
this Favour.
FranceDid you not assist my Rebel Hugenots with a Fleet and
an Army at Rochelle? And have you not lately aided
privately and sneakingly my Rebel Subjects in Corsica?
And do you not at this Instant keep their Chief
pension'd, and ready to head a fresh Revolt there,
whenever you can find or make an Opportunity? Dear
Sister you must be a little silly!
BritainHonest Holland! You see it is remembered that I was
once your Friend, You will therefore be mine on this
Occasion. I know indeed you are accustom'd to
smuggle with these Rebels of mine. I will wink at that,
Sell 'em as much Tea as you please to enervate the
Rascals; since they will not take it of me; but for Gods
sake dont supply them with any Arms.
Holland'Tis true you assisted me against Philip, my Tyrant of
Spain but have I not since assisted you against one of
your Tyrants, and enabled you to expell him? Surely
that Accompt, as we Merchants say, is Ballanc'd, and I
am nothing in your Debt. I have indeed some Complaints
against you, for endeavouring to starve me by
your Navigation Acts: But being peaceably dispos'd
I do not quarrel with you for that. I shall only go on
quietly with my own Business. Trade is my Profession,
'tis all I have to subsist on. And let me tell you, I
should make no scruple, (on the prospect of a good
Market for that Commodity,) even to send my Ships to
Hell and supply the Devil with Brimstone. For you
must know I can insure in London against the Burning
of my Sails.
America
 to
Britain.
Why you old blood thirsty Bully! you who have been
everywhere vaunting your own Prowess, and defaming
the Americans as Poltroons! you who have boasted of
being able to march over all their Bellies with a single
Regiment! You who by Fraud have possess'd yourself
of their strongest Fortress, and all the Arms they had
stor'd up in it! You who have a disciplin'd Army in
their Country intrench'd to the Teeth and provided
with every thing! Do you run about begging all
Europe not to supply those poor People with a little
Powder and Shot? Do you mean, then, to fall upon
them naked and unarm'd, and butcher them in cold
Blood? Is this your Courage? Is this your Magnanimity?
Britain.O! you wicked-Whig-Presbyterian-Serpent! Have you
the Impudence to appear before me after all your
Disobedience? Surrender immediatly all your Liberties
and Properties into my Hands, or I will cut you to
Pieces. Was it for this that I planted your Country at
so great an Expence? that I protected you in your
Infancy, and defended you against all your Enemies?
America.I shall not surrender my Liberty and Property but with
my Life. It is not true that my Country was planted at
your Expence. Your own Records refute that Falshood
to your Face. Nor did you ever afford me a
Man or a shilling to defend me against the Indians, the
only Enemies I had upon my own Account. But when
you have quarrell'd with all Europe, and drawn me
with you into all your Broils, then you value yourself
upon protecting me from the Enemies you have made
for me. I have no natural Cause of Difference with
Spain, France, or Holland; and yet by turns I have
join'd with you in Wars against them all. You would
not suffer me to make or keep a seperate Peace with
any of them, 'tho I might easily have done it, to great
Advantage. Does your protecting me in those Wars give
you a Right to fleece me? If so, as I fought for you, as
well as you for me, it gives me a proportionable Right to
fleece you. What think you of an American Law to
make a Monopoly of You and your Commerce, as you
have done by your Laws of me and mine? Content
yourself with that Monopoly if you are Wise, and
learn Justice if you would be respected!
BritainYou impudent B—h! am not I your Mother Country?
Is not that a sufficient Title to your Respect and
Obedience?
Saxony.Mother Country! Hah, hah, he! What Respect have
you the front to claim as a Mother Country? You know
that I am your Mother Country, and yet you pay me
none. Nay, it is but the other Day, since you hired
Ruffians to rob me on the Highway, and burn my
House! For shame! Hide your Face and hold your
Tongue. If you continue this Conduct you will make
yourself the Contempt of all Europe!
BritainO Lord! where are my Friends!
France
Spain
Holland
and Sax-
ony all
together
Friends! Believe us you have none, nor ever will have
any 'till you mend your Manners. How can we who are
your Neighbours have any Regard for You, or expect
any Equity from You, should your Power increase,
when we see how basely and unjustly you have us'd
both your own Mother and your own Children?
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