The Busy-Body, No. 5
Printed in The American Weekly Mercury, March 4, 1728/9.
The Busy-Body. No. 5.
Vos, O Patricius sanguis, quos vivere fas est Occipiti
caeco, posticae occurrite sannae. Persius.
This Paper being design’d for a Terror to Evil-Doers, as well as
a Praise to them that do well, I am lifted up with secret Joy to
find that my Undertaking is approved, and encourag’d by the Just
and Good, and that few are against me but those who have Reason to
fear me.
There are little Follies in the Behaviour of
most Men, which their best Friends are too tender to acquaint them
with: There are little Vices and small Crimes which the Law has no
Regard to, or Remedy for: There are likewise great Pieces of
Villany sometimes so craftily accomplish’d, and so circumspectly
guarded, that the Law can take no Hold of the Actors. All these
Things, and all Things of this Nature, come within my Province as
Censor, and I am determined not to be
negligent of the Trust I have reposed in my self, but resolve to
execute my Office diligently and Faithfully.
And that all the World may judge with how much
Humanity as well as Justice I shall behave in this Office; and that
even my Enemies may be convinc’d I take no Delight to rake into the
Dunghill Lives of vicious Men; and to the End that certain Persons
may be a little eas’d of their Fears, and reliev’d from the
terrible Palpitations they have lately felt and suffer’d, and do
still suffer; I hereby graciously pass an Act of general Oblivion,
for all Offences, Crimes and Misdemeanors of what Kind soever,
committed from the Beginning of Year sixteen hundred and eighty
one, until the Day of the Date of my first Paper; and promise only
to concern my self with such as have been since and shall hereafter
be committed. I shall take no Notice who has, (heretofore) rais’d a
Fortune by Fraud and Oppression, nor who by Deceit and Hypocrisy:
What Woman has been false to her good Husband’s Bed; nor what Man
has, by barbarous Usage or Neglect, broke the Heart of a faithful
Wife, and wasted his Health and Substance in Debauchery: What base
Wretch has betray’d his Friend, and sold his Honesty for Gold, nor
what yet baser Wretch, first corrupted him and then bought the
Bargain: All this, and much more of the same Kind I shall forget
and pass over in Silence;—but then it is to be observed that I
expect and require a sudden and general Amendment.
These Threatnings of mine I hope will have a
good Effect, and, if regarded, may prevent abundance of Folly and
Wickedness in others, and at the same Time save me abundance of
Trouble. And that People may not flatter themselves with the Hopes
of concealing their Misdemeanours from my Knowledge, and in that
View persist in Evil-doing, I must acquaint them, that I have
lately enter’d into an Intimacy with the extraordinary Person who
some Time since wrote me the following Letter; and who, having a
Wonderful Faculty that enables him [to] discover the most secret
Iniquity, is capable of giving me great Assistance in my designed
Work of Reformation.
“Mr. Busy-Body.
“I rejoice Sir, at the Opportunity you have
given me to be serviceable to you, and by your Means to this
Province. You must know, that such have been the Circumstances of
my Life, and such were the marvellous Concurrences of my Birth,
that I have not only a Faculty of discovering the Actions of
Persons that are absent or asleep; but even of the Devil himself in
many of his secret Workings, in the various Shapes, Habits and
Names of Men and Women. And having travel’d and conversed much and
met but with a very few of the same Perceptions and Qualifications,
I can recommend my Self to you as the most useful Man you can
correspond with. My Father’s Father’s Father (for we had no
Grandfathers in our Family) was the same John Bunyan that writ that
memorable Book The Pilgrim’s Progress, who had in some
Degree a natural Faculty of Second Sight. This Faculty (how
derived to him, our Family Memoirs are not very clear) was enjoy’d
by all his Descendants, but not by equal Talents. ’Twas very dim in
several of my first Cousins, and probably had been nearly extinct
in our particular Branch, had not my Father been a Traveller. He
lived in his youthful Days in New England. There he married, and
there was born my elder Brother, who had so much of this Faculty,
as to discover Witches in some of their occult Performances. My
Parents transporting themselves to Great Britain my second
Brother’s Birth was in that Kingdom. He shared but a small Portion
of this Virtue, being only able to discern Transactions about the
Time, and for the most Part after their happening. My good Father,
who delighted in the Pilgrim’s Progress, and mountainous
Places, took Shipping with his Wife for Scotland, and inhabited in
the Highlands, where my Self was born; and whether the Soil,
Climate or Astral Influences, of which are preserved divers
Prognosticks, restored our Ancestors Natural Faculty of Second
Sight, in a greater Lustre to me than it had shined in thro’
several Generations, I will not here discuss. But so it is, that I
am possess’d largely of it, and design if you encourage the
Proposal, to take this Opportunity of doing good with it, which I
question not will be accepted of in a grateful Way, by many of your
honest Readers, Tho’ the Discovery of my Extraction bodes me no
Deference from your great Scholars and modern Philosophers. This my
Father was long ago aware of, and lest the Name alone should hurt
the Fortunes of his Children; he in his Shiftings from one Country
to another wisely changed it.
“Sir, I have only this further to say, how I
may be useful to you and as a Reason for my not making my Self more
known in the World: By Virtue of this Great Gift of Nature
Second-Sightedness. I do continually see Numbers of Men,
Women and Children of all Ranks, and what they are doing, while I
am sitting in my Closet; which is too great a Burthen for the Mind,
and makes me also conceit even against Reason, that all this Host
of People can see and observe me, which strongly inclines me to
Solitude and an obscure Living; and on the other Hand, it will be
an Ease to me to disburthen my Thoughts and Observations in the Way
proposed to you by, Sir, your Friend, and humble
Servant.——"
I conceal this Correspondent’s Name in my Care
for his Life and Safety, and cannot but approve his Prudence in
chusing to live obscurely. I remember the Fate of my poor Monkey:
He had an ill-natur’d Trick of grinning and chattering at every
Thing he saw in Pettycoats. My ignorant Country Neighbours got a
Notion that Pugg snarl’d by instinct at every Female who had lost
her Virginity. This was no sooner generally believ’d than he was
condemn’d to Death; By whom I could never learn, but he was
assassinated in the Night, barbarously stabb’d and mangled in a
Thousand Places, and left hanging dead on one of my Gate posts,
where I found him the next Morning.
The Censor observing that the Itch of
Scribbling begins to spread exceedingly, and being carefully
tender of the Reputation of his Country in Point of Wit and
Good Sense, has determined to take all manner of Writings,
in Verse or Prose, that pretend to either, under his immediate
Cognizance; and accordingly hereby prohibits the Publishing any
such for the future, ’till they have first pass’d his Examination,
and receiv’d his Imprimatur. For which he demands as a Fee
only 6d. per Sheet.
n.b. He nevertheless
permits to be published all Satyrical Remarks on the Busy-Body, the
above Prohibition notwithstanding, and without Examination, or
requiring the said Fees: which Indulgence the small Wits in and
about this City are advised gratefully to accept and
acknowledge.
The Gentleman who calls himself Sirronio, is
directed, on the Receipt of this, to burn his great Book of
Crudities.
p.s. In Compassion to that young Man on
Account of the great Pains he has taken; in Consideration of the
Character I have just receiv’d of him, that he is really
Good-natured; and on Condition he shows it to no Foreigner
or Stranger of Sense, I have thought fit to reprieve his said
great Book of Crudities from the Flames, till further Order.
Noli me tangere.
I had resolved when I first commenc’d this
Design, on no Account to enter into a publick Dispute with any Man;
for I judg’d it would be equally unpleasant to me and my Readers,
to see this Paper fill’d with contentious Wrangling, Answers,
Replies, &c. which is a Way of Writing that is Endless, and at
the same time seldom contains any Thing that is either edifying or
entertaining. Yet when such a considerable Man as Mr.——finds
himself concern’d so warmly to accuse and condemn me, as he has
done in Keimer’s last Instructor, I cannot forbear
endeavouring to say something in my own Defence, from one of the
worst of Characters that could be given of me by a Man of Worth.
But, as I have many Things of more Consequence to offer the
Publick, I declare that I will never, after this Time, take Notice
of any Accusations not better supported with Truth and Reason; much
less may every little Scribbler, that shall attack me, expect an
Answer from the Busy-Body.
The Sum of the Charge, deliver’d against
me, either directly or indirectly in the said Paper, is this. Not
to mention the first weighty Sentence concerning Vanity and
Ill-Nature, and the shrew’d Intimation that I am without
Charity, and therefore can have no Pretence to Religion,
I am represented as guilty of Defamation and Scandal, the
Odiousness of which is apparent to every good Man, and the
Practice of it opposite to Christianity, Morality, and common
Justice, and in some Cases so far below all these as to be
inhumane. As a Blaster of Reputations. As attempting
by a Pretence to screen my Self from the Imputation of
Malice and Prejudice. As using a Weapon which the
Wiser and better Part of Mankind hold in Abhorrence: And as
giving Treatment which the wiser and better Part of Mankind
dislike on the same Principles, and for the same Reason as they
do Assassination. &c. And all this, is infer’d and
concluded from a Character I wrote in my Number 3.
In order to examine the Justice and Truth of
this heavy Charge, let us recur to that Character. And here we may
be surpriz’d to find what a Trifle has rais’d this mighty Clamour
and Complaint, this Grievous Accusation! The worst Thing said of
the Person, in what is called my gross Description, (be he who he
will to whom my Accuser has apply’d the Character of Cretico) is,
that he is a sower Philosopher, crafty, but not wise: Few
Humane Characters can be drawn that will not fit some body, in so
large a Country as this; But one would think, supposing I meant
Cretico a real Person, I had sufficiently manifested my
impartiality, when I said in that very Paragraph, That Cretico
is not without Virtue; that there are many good Things in him, and many good Actions reported of him; Which
must be allow’d in all Reason, very much to overballance in his
Favour those worst Words sowre Temper’d and cunning.
Nay my very Enemy and Accuser must have been sensible of this, when
he freely acknowledges, that he has been seriously
considering, and cannot yet determine, which he would chuse
to be, the Cato or Cretico of that Paper: Since my Cato is
one of the best of Characters.
Thus much in my own Vindication. As to the
only reasons there given why I ought not to continue drawing
Characters, viz. Why should any Man’s Picture be published which
he never sat for; or his good Name taken from him any more
than his Money or Possessions at the arbitrary Will of
another, &c? I have but this to answer. The Money or
Possessions I presume are nothing to the Purpose, since no Man can
claim a Right either to those or a good Name, if he has acted so as
to forfeit them. And are not the Publick the only Judges what Share
of Reputation they think proper to allow any Man? Supposing I was
capable, and had an Inclination to draw all the good and bad
Characters in America; Why should a good Man be offended with me
for drawing good Characters? And if I draw Ill Ones, can they fit
any but those that deserve them? And ought any but such to
be concern’d that they have their Deserts? I have as great an
Aversion and Abhorrence from Defamation and Scandal as any Man, and
would with the utmost Care avoid being guilty of such base Things:
Besides I am very sensible and certain, that if I should make use
of this Paper to defame any Person, my Reputation would be sooner
hurt by it than his, and the Busy-Body would quickly become
detestable; because in such a Case, as is justly observed, The
Pleasure arising from a Tale of Wit and Novelty soon dies
away in generous and Honest Minds, and is followed with a
secret Grief to see their Neighbours calumniated. But if I my
self was actually the worst Man in the Province, and any one should
draw my true Character, would it not be ridiculous in me to say,
he had defam’d and scandaliz’d me; unless added, in a
Matter of Truth? If any Thing is meant by asking, Why
any Man’s Picture should be publish’d which he never sate
for? It must be, that we should give no Character without the
Owner’s Consent. If I discern the Wolf disguis’d in harmless Wool,
and contriving the Destruction of my Neighbour’s Sheep, must I have
his Permission before I am allow’d to discover and prevent him? If
I know a Man to be a designing Knave, must I ask his Consent to bid
my Friends beware of him? If so, Then by the same Rule, supposing
the Busy-Body had really merited, all his Enemy has charg’d him
with, his Consent likewise ought to have been obtain’d before so
terrible an Accusation was published against him.
I shall conclude with observing, that in the
last Paragraph save one of the Piece now examin’d, much
Ill Nature and some Good Sense are
Co-inhabitants, (as he expresses it.) The Ill Nature
appears, in his endeavouring to discover Satyr, where I intended no
such Thing, but quite the Reverse: The good Sense is this, that
drawing too good a Character of any one, is a refined Manner
of Satyr that may be as injurious to him as the contrary, by
bringing on an Examination that undresses the Person, and in
the Haste of doing it, he may happen to be stript of what he
really owns and deserves. As I am Censor, I might punish the
first, but I forgive it. Yet I will not leave the latter
unrewarded; but assure my Adversary, that in Consideration of the
Merit of those four Lines, I am resolved to forbear injuring
him on any Account in that refined Manner.
I thank my Neighbour P—w—l for his kind
Letter. The Lions complain’d of shall be muzzled.
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